How I Know I’m Getting Older

My birthday is August 7th. My father: “a day that will live on in infamy; oh, wait, no, that’s December 7th. Sorry, I always get those mixed up.” I’m not big on birthdays. It’s not because I mind getting old, but rather because crappy things tend to happen to me in the hot, humid days of July and August. To be honest, not only do I not mind getting old as much as some people seem to, but I find the whole process fascinating.

  1. I worry about kids in high school now. I also refer to them as “kids” – it’s irksome.
  2. I have come to terms with the fact that it’s almost always user error if I’m the user. There is no shortage of problems that I might encounter in a given day, and they are pretty much all my fault.
  3. I care about peculiar things now, like plaster and cost basis and sulfates in wine. You think it’s not going to happen to you…and then it does.
  4. It’s true – they DO NOT make things like they used to; everything breaks too fast, even if you spend “good money” on it. If you happen to have some extra “bad money” lying around, please send me some. I want to see if a food processor bought with it will have a longer life.
  5. Reinvention is the new romance. I love to read these stories – “this woman was a plumber, and now she’s a wardrobe designer on Broadway” or “this man was homeless, and now he’s a dentist and provides free care to homeless children out of a tricked-out-dentist-bus in Maui, where he also owns an organic breadfruit farm.”
  6. It takes 30 minutes to wake up – just to accept that another day is beginning and I am no longer in bed. My understanding is that if I’m lucky enough to live to 80, it will be more like two hours. When you wake up and realize you’re already late for work because you turned off the alarm, yet again, and you proceed to sit for 30 minutes and drink your coffee anyways – you’re definitely sliding down the slippery slope.
  7. Quality has become more important than quantity. I remember the 25-year old me surrounded by something like 100 cheap pairs of extremely uncomfortable shoes and 50 lipsticks in various shades of wrong, and I gotta’ say, that girl had fun…wait, that really wasn’t where I was planning on taking this…
  8. I say, “I don’t understand” a million times a week, and every time my husband says, “No, you do understand. The fact that you say you don’t understand proves that you do.” This actually makes some sense to me, which is telling in itself. I wish that I didn’t understand a lot of things these days.
  9. Family members would tell you that even as a small child, traditions were unusually important to me. Somehow, these rituals have become even more important as I age. I make the sweet potatoes, you make the bird – damn it, get it straight.
  10. I don’t really regret many things that I’ve done in life. However, I regret more and more of the things that I didn’t do…

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